so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
birth control should be required to get into college
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
