there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
