you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
