Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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