Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
