Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
