I think i peed on brittanys purse
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
