you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
