if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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