hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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