It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
