My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
