you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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