i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
