i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Randomize
