i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
how does that bad decision feel?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
