What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
