I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
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