i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
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And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
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I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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