So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
