im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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