I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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