so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
