You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
