I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
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She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
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PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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