so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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