I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Randomize
