In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
