I puked a lego.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
