Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
