is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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