got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
