I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
