hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
