I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
