I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
