The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
