Why are handjobs necessary in class?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
