I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
