he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
