You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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