Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Randomize
