i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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