Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
