i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
