I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
