I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
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