Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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