In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Randomize
