im drinking this country out of the recession.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
