your thong is hanging out like whoa
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
