Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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