All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
