When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize