I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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