you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
