May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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