My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
