Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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