you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
