I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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