we're blogging at a bar
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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