I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
