what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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