Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
