They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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