So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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