at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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