weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
