I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
