i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
