she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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